By Nande Myamya
Have you ever come across an individual who is set on staying alone but just can’t seem do that on their own? To better describe them, these are the most common statements that you’re almost certain to hear them make: “I don’t want to date anyone but I would still like to have some fun”, “I’m not even that attached” or better yet, their MOST famous line of all – “I’m just trying to keep my options open”.
Before you take me up wrong – there is absolutely nothing wrong or distasteful about these individuals. It is okay to engage in multiple romantic relationships, whether you choose to attach titles to them or not. What I do believe is an eyebrow-raiser, is when one enters multiple relationships but just can’t seem to stay fully loyal to themselves.
The truth is, these people lie to themselves a lot. They may be secretly desperate for external affirmation and validation because they struggle to give it to themselves or are deeply wounded from previous relationships that left them traumatized and seek healing and counsel in others.
Being completely alone is ironically accompanied by an immense amount of vulnerability and an emotional confrontation.
You are faced with your inner fears and insecurities that aren’t as easy to avoid, as they are when you’re in a relationship (title or not) with someone else.
Self-love is something that society shoves down our throats but fails to emphasize on the fact that the process of it, is gruesome and not at all as simple, tranquil and enjoyable to attain. Sometimes the hardest person you’ll ever have to love is yourself and this is the part that our “love gurus” and relationship experts tend to mute.
However, the difficulty of learning how to stay alone should not discourage you at all. Being who you are, is already a blessing. Being WITH yourself should be the greatest honour yet! The love that comes from yourself literally can not be found or created by someone else and that is what sets it apart completely.
Your partner can only contribute to it, should they be compatible with your personality and understanding and respectful of your needs and wants as an individual.
Enter a relationship having built your own home yourself. A home that you can solely call your own, without being dependent on the bricks of another person – be it financially or emotionally. If you know how powerful your love is, stop letting it weaken you by driving you to “Jola” with just anyone.
Stop investing in people who only withdraw.
Your love is worth SO much more.