You are not a tree, move

by Thando Mgobhozi


How many times do we hear this statement and choose to brush it away because we think it doesn’t apply to us? It is time to re-evaluate your life, think about where you are right now and do some moving in the next half of the year.


“Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you or makes you happy,” Robert Tew. Most of us know this quote all too well but how many times do we implement it in our lives? I remember I was having a conversation with my friend and she was venting to me about how she almost lost the love of her life because they were having a disagreement. She then proceeded to say, “what if Neo is my boyfriend right now because his purpose is to help me get through my studies until I graduate?” She and her boyfriend are both studying the same course at TUT where they met and started dating. They obviously spend a lot of time together and sometimes do their school work together. I do not know what she was thinking when she said that and I can’t help but think to myself that maybe she was onto something.

Happiness is a choice, self-love is essential and your growth as a person can only come from yourself. I now know that it is very important that you are the provider of all the things that I have mentioned above and not expect them from a boyfriend or girlfriend. People are stuck in relationships that they are not supposed to be in because they often undermine their worth. If you cannot be happy alone then there is no way that you can be happy being with someone else. The best way to avoid being stuck in a toxic relationship is to not get into a relationship before you are sure that you are actually ready to be in one but if you find yourself in that toxic relationship already, it is not too late to get out. When you are not being treated the way you expect to be treated, it is good enough reason to keep it moving.

I will never underestimate the importance of being single because that is the best time to learn yourself and grow without the pressure of trying to please someone else. When you know how to love yourself you can teach people how to love you and when the love is not what you taught, you leave. No matter how hard it is to leave, be comforted by the fact that the relationship happened for a reason and you have learned something from it. A person can never truly belong to you but you, on the other hand, you will always truly belong to yourself.

The same principle applies to friendships. Only if we were as quick to get out of romantic relationships the way we are to break up with friends, it would make a vast difference. A relationship/friendship is toxic for as long as there are no shared values or beliefs because a clash is bound to happen. Friends that do not congratulate you when you achieve success, always negative and never happy for you, do not motivate or inspire you in whatever way and do not go out of their way to help you when you are in need are not your friends and you need to let them go. Observe how your friends treat other people who are not their friends and you will know how they will treat you. Human connection is one of the most important things because people never forget how someone made them feel. There is nothing wrong with loving people from a distance while you focus on bettering yourself and making friends that will actually add value to your life.


The same way that people are stuck in friendships and relationships that are not good for them is the same way that people are stuck in jobs that they hate. Unemployment is a very serious problem in the country and it is understandable that some people are in the jobs that they are in because they need to feed their families at home but that is still no excuse to be stuck in a job that makes you unhappy forever and that is why it is important to have a long term plan. You have to know why you are there and plan your next move. Sometimes you’re in a job because you want to save money or invest it towards something that will be beneficial to you in the future and that is okay. If you are in a job that you dislike and you do not know why then you are most likely setting yourself up for failure.

Go back to the drawing board and discover what you love doing and what makes you happy. Work on that in your spare time when you are not busy with your job and think of ways that can help you move forward and get to where you want to be. Don’t give up on your life because you think you will never get out of that job that you dislike so much because at the end of it all your life is so much more precious than your job or career.

This applies to all the areas of your life including, health, wellness, spirituality and so on. Whether you believe in the universe or God, having something to believe in always makes living worthwhile and it brings peace to know that you don’t have to make any hasty or big decisions all by yourself. Moving does not only apply to the physical world but it starts with you making a choice, a note to self and then applying it to the real world. It must get to a point where enough is enough, where you have no choice but to move. Remember the definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. The situation won’t change unless you change and make a decision that will change your life forever and for good. Don’t be afraid to say THANK YOU, NEXT.

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