Can porn ruin or enhance your sex life?

by Thando Mgobhozi


We live in a world where porn has become so accessible everywhere and all it takes is just one click. Watching porn has become so normal in the society we live in today and people speak freely about it. The subject of porn in a relationship is a tricky one and both partners need to know and understand the consequences of porn in their relationship.

There are a number of things that are required in a relationship for it to work such as great communication skills, emotional compatibility, shared values, and goals and so much more. You’ll see here that I’ve just mentioned the basics. Physical compatibility is just as important in a relationship as all these aspects. You need to feel physically connected to your partner. Ask a lot of men and they’ll tell you that a relationship that lacks a lot of great sex can be a deal-breaker. Bad sex is a deal-breaker for women too and women need sex just as much as men need it. So if that’s the case, can porn enhance bad sex?

It depends on the way you see it but one thing to keep in mind is that the people you see in porn are actors and they are paid to do what they do. There’s no emotional connection and romance involved between the people engaging in sexual activities. You don’t look at people in porn videos and think “oh they really love each other” and all that stuff. I hate to break it to you but it’s not real and it creates unnecessary pressure on couples because they watch porn together and try to imitate what they see. More than that, they start comparing themselves to the people in porn which creates insecurities about themselves and how they look. What they see are perfect, perky boobs, a nice looking vagina and a round looking bum and think they are not perfect or enough the way they are.

It’s a time to learn and understand each other’s bodies, what turns your partner on, what makes them tick, what gets their blood pumping and running. Photo: Pixabay.com

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, it’s more about the technicalities of sex in porn more than it is about the actual act of sex. It’s about how you arch your back during dog style, how you ride that D and are you able to take it. It’s about how deep that D can go down your throat. A lot of things have changed from our grandparents time to now. Do you think our grandparents performed oral sex and all these wild acts that are seen as standard procedure when it comes to having sex? I’m not even going to get into rimming and anal sex. Your three sums, orgies and the list goes on and on. Sit around a group of guys and you’ll know that men don’t see sex as an act of lovemaking, it’s called the f word, and we all know what that is. One guy even described how he would choke a certain woman if they ever had a chance to sleep with them just because of how physically pleasing she looks. The ass spankings, choking, hair pulling and it just keeps getting wild. The truth is that a lot of these things have been seen and learnt from pornography.

It becomes a big problem when sex is seen as something that a woman should prioritize in order to keep her man from seeking it outside and I don’t want to get into that because it is a different story altogether but, porn opens up so many other subjects that are hard to ignore. It is also a problem if your partner consumes porn secretly behind your back and without your knowledge, as porn can become addictive, is self-destructive and it could ruin your sexual relationship or your relationship as a whole. This is because you neglect the sexual needs of your partner when you focus on porn for your own selfish reasons.

There are so many things that you and your partner can explore together to enhance your sex life without leaning to porn. It is important to find your own sexual rhythm and flow as a couple. It’s a time to learn and understand each other’s bodies, what turns your partner on, what makes them tick, what gets their blood pumping and running. As time goes by, this gets easier and easier as you and partner lose yourselves in each other’s bodies and even when you’ve found your rhythm, continue to seek other ways to keep your sex life exciting. Focusing too much on porn will make you lose focus on your own sexual flow while trying to create a flow that may not even work for you.

Some may argue that porn does bring an element of excitement in the beginning but that also really depends on the type of relationship you have with your partner. Are you long-term or short-term? There are a lot of questions to ask yourself when it comes to porn and if watching another human being helps you get intimate with your partner and is what enhances your sex life then you should think about if you really have a sex life with your partner, to begin with. Porn is nothing more than a created and imagined fantasy and you need to be attracted to your partner in a genuine and authentic way altogether. That is not the reality of porn.

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