Divorce, a playground?

by Thando Mgobhozi

… for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, …”

Ever wondered what the conversation of a married couple that is considering getting a divorce looks like and do you think they consider their vows when this decision is made? Every marriage just like any relationship has its ups and downs but the constantly increasing rates of divorce make one wonder if marriage is worth it at the end of the day. Marriage vows are not something to be taken lightly and you should know what you are getting yourself into before you actually decide that you are ready for marriage. Gone are the days where women were seen as failures for not getting married or aspiring to. In fact, many women are very adamant that they do not want to get married at all so do not allow yourself to be consumed by the standards of the world that are flawed.

Divorce stats show that there has been an increase in divorce orders between 2013 and 2017. There were 25 326 completed divorce forms processed in 2017 which is an increase of 0,3%. To read more on these stats, visit. These are some of the biggest reasons for divorce;

  • Infidelity
  • Money
  • Lack of communication
  • Constant arguing
  • Weight issues
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Lack of intimacy
  • Lack of equality
  • Not being prepared for marriage
  • Abuse

It is hard enough managing a relationship that is not in the public eye but I can’t imagine how much harder it is to do so when you are considered to be a public figure. When you are in the public eye, your personal life is exposed to everyone and people feel as though you owe them everything that is related to your life which is very much debatable. There are quite a number of celebrities who have come out in the open about their marriage statuses this year including Nhlanhla Nciza who was married to TK Nciza and Zulu boy who was married to Andiswa Gebashe. Lira is one of the latest to come to the announcement table and posted a photograph of her and her now ex-husband Robin Kohl with this caption;

“To all my beloved fans, friends, family and business associates, it is with great sadness that I announce my separation from my husband of many years Mr. Robin Kohl. Robin and I are currently living apart and are in the process of deciding the future of our marriage. We have had a long and fruitful marriage and business relationship and have formed a strong bond that will remain whatever the outcome of our time apart. In the meantime, Robin and I sincerely request that our privacy be respected during this difficult time. We thank you in advance for your understanding. Regards Lira and Robin Kohl.”

The divorce topic is not an easy one to have and it is very unfortunate that things turn out the way they do sometimes but there is life after divorce. Jeannie Mai who is a co-host on the daytime talk show The Real, opened up about her divorce from Freddy Harteis on the show. She says her intuition told her in her first year of marriage that she was not meant to be with Freddy but she ignored that feeling because she had hoped that it would go away and things would change.

Oprah Winfrey’s relationship with Stedman Graham has proven that a relationship can still be everything you want it to be and more even without getting into marriage. The pair have been together for and wait for it, 33 YEARS and although they did get engaged they decided not to get married. The Queen Of talkshow stated in an interview that she and Graham had never really thought that marriage is something that would work for them. She said, “nobody believes it but it’s true. The only time I brought it up was when I said to Stedman, ‘What would have happened if we had actually gotten married?’ And the answer is: ‘We wouldn’t be together.’ We would not have stayed together, because marriage requires a different way of being in this world. His interpretation of what it means to be a husband and what it would mean for me to be a wife would have been pretty traditional and I would not have been able to fit into that.” This method has clearly worked for them as they are still happily together.

Oprah also had 45-year-old author, Shonda Rhimes on OWN’s SuperSoul Sunday who shared the same sentiments on marriage. She speaks about the pressure that women face from society to get married in equation with the pressure to have kids as a woman. Society always thinks there is something wrong with a woman that does not aspire these two things. She says she has always wanted to have kids but never to get married.

You and your partner need to figure out what works for both of you whether it’s marriage or not. Have an open conversation and talk about your relationship thoroughly. The last thing you want to go through is the expensive and painful process of divorce which could have easily been avoided from the beginning. It is easy to get into something because it looks appealing from the outside not knowing what goes on in the inside. Educate yourself and allow yourself to have an open mind on marriage so that you do not get into it with a closed mind and realize later that you are not happy and it is not for you.

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