Communication as a love language

by Pogiso Mokwena

Most of the time we find ourselves in relationships with people who we don’t know or even understand their love language and I honestly think that is where we sell ourselves short. We step into relationships that we are not ready for, be it because of post-trauma of the previous relationships or after taking a long break that we don’t understand what is expected of us in that particular relationship simply because most relationships these days don’t have communication as one of their love languages.

Sometimes we rush into relationship that we are not really ready due to social status and wanting to be the social media “Relationship goals” while in fact, we are still in the process of finding ourselves, it can never be possible that one can be able to love someone else without loving themselves fully and wholeheartedly meaning – you wouldn’t constantly seek validation from your partner or even use them as your one and only source of happiness.

Now because vulnerability and communication has never been the centre or love language of that relationship it becomes extremely difficult for you to tell their partner how you want to be loved

When all you want is to be loved like a blind man who longs

To see the colours of the rainbow after a storm

To be loved like a deaf man who wants to hear the song of the caged bird

To be loved like lungs thirst for air to breathe every time you breathe out

To be loved like Adam who loved the sight of the forbidden fruit so much that he couldn’t even resist it.

Often times we shoot ourselves in the foot because we do not communicate how we want to be treated, triggers and even how we want to be spoken to more than anything else. Someone told that we complicate things the minute we want to put a label on any sort of relationship that we find ourselves in, and in my head I said to myself – don’t labels help eliminate expectations especially when dealing with people who are more of emotional beings, I mean relationships these days don’t start as traditional as in the olden days everything is digitalised it is rare to find people who still want to take long walks just to get to know each other, phone calls, even your typical “Netflix and chill” isn’t exactly that.

Most of the modern-day relationships start off on a physical note, that once at that point the only connection between two people is all things physical that only later on into this same “relationship” one party if not both then realise that there isn’t really any emotional connection or none of them knows even the simplest details like their partner’s favourite colour. The same life attitude that we have, should be carried even into our relationships –Speak your truth.

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