What women want

by: Shahista Thokan

If you had to give your teenage self advice, what would that be? I am imagining she is filled with energy, enthusiasm, dreams and ambition. However, along the way, she has transitioned into a different person over the many phases of life; from being a student to a career woman, some mums and wives. Constantly juggling these roles in this present day, did you ever wake up with the feeling of sheer lethargy and tiredness? Have you had that feeling of depleted energy yet you’ve had a full night of sleep? That mundane routine and ‘same old’ day after day feeling.

Without even realizing it, days turn into weeks and eventually months. In retrospect, we have had no quality of life. Surviving not really living, and most certainly not thriving. This could be for a number of reasons. We still value our need for independence; however, in our pursuit of ambition and success, we have lost sight of the purpose.

As women, we are dynamic and have a higher emotional quotient than men. This, therefore, means we seek more fulfilling roles in our careers. Goals and plans are set and achieved but satisfaction levels are fluctuating. We are constantly asking ourselves how to…but never asking why? This is when we truly shift our mind’s focus and question the reasons we are doing what we think we should be doing and then start doing that which we ought to be doing.

There will always be tasks and jobs which are priorities. This type of work is our ‘bread and butter’. It is a luxury only afforded to few that we can redesign and resign to discover something new. One does not have to leave their place of safety to be able to live purposefully. It is absolutely normal to feel monotony. However, in these situations, it is important to regroup.

As a Transformational Coach, the best advice I can give is to take out a pen and paper and write down what it is that is causing the anxiety or low morale. Then write down what alternatives you may have. Last, write down what you love about what you do. Sometimes without acknowledging it, our own self-development may be lacking. Your lack of creativity in how you are conducting yourself may be leaving you feeling glum.

Very often I see women not prioritizing their need for self-care or hobby seeking. These form an integral part of revitalizing one’s life. We can be too hard on ourselves with unrealistic outcomes and expectations, comparing our life or ourselves to others around us. To further add to this, there are unresolved emotional issues or a heavy past which may actually be the triggers to your behaviour. In order to truly love our self and possess a deeply grounded sense of self-worth, we need to stop judging ourselves according to pre-existing societal markers of acceptance.

True acceptance is realizing and understanding that each individual is imperfect, flawed and evolving constantly. In accepting weakness and faults, we are embracing our wholesomeness and authenticity. Upon this path, we then start to grow towards self-betterment and improvement. Setting short term achievable growth goals will escalate as motivation.

Life is tough BUT when you look towards those worse off than yourself is when you start to be grateful. This gratitude serves as a stimulus for contentment. Each day that you are finding it tough, occupy your thoughts with what you have and appreciate. Those things you wished for that you now have. Stability, health, dreams and ability are not things to be taken lightly. ‘Who we are’ is just a manifestation of ‘who we think we are’. Positive self-talk will lead you to create a new self-image and belief that will change your life.


  1. Align your personal goals with your purpose – What do you want from Life?
  2. Face your fears – What are you afraid of?
  3. Identify your limiting beliefs and challenges – What is the worst that can happen?
  4. Change the rules of your life – Prioritize your needs and give yourself TLC
  5. Start making your own choices – Manage the demands placed on you

Your journey is unique to yourself. Make it a memorable one.

Follow me on IG: @shahistathokan

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