by Kimberly Flanagan
It gets overwhelming, doesn’t it?
The constant back and forth between making sure the kids aren’t hurting themselves, making sure their clothes are sorted for the next day, trying to maintain a tidy house, which is literally impossible most days and in between trying to catch a glimpse of your favourite television show and then sipping on that coffee that is now ice-cold.
Let’s not forget the thousands of times your kids find the energy to say “Mom!” or “mommy” or anything remotely close to that. Honestly, if I could get paid every time my kids say “mom” I could quit my day job.
And then you get those rare, quiet moments when you’re sitting at your desk or outside, feeling the sun on your face, appreciating your life and then just as quick as it came, it disappears because your kids are fighting and screaming in the next room.
Then you get the guilt because you feel overwhelmed because your kids are always following you around and you desperately just want to be left alone.
Guilt because you feel as if you have already failed as a mother forgetting that you have an “S” on your chest.
Guilt because you feel the need for some alone time and to get away from the pitter-patter of little feet.
Guilt for so many other reasons. You’re not alone Mama, I see you and I feel what you feel too.
The truth of the matter is, is that we’re all bad moms.
I recently watched a movie by the same title and besides for the foul language and X-rated bits of the movie, I thoroughly enjoyed it and more importantly, I related to it.
The movie is about this mother played by Mila Kunis who does everything she possibly can for her children and husband. She also works full time at a job that treats her like crap. She aspires to be the perfect mother and eventually decides “screw it” but uses less polite words and decides that she is going to become a “bad mom”.
She stops making breakfast for her kids and goes out with her friends and stops helping her kids with their homework
The beauty of this movie is that in her attempt to be a bad mom, her children become better people. Her son starts doing his own homework and teaches himself to cook and her daughter gains more confidence.
Anyway, without giving away too much of the movie, we eventually come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as a perfect mother and that we are all just doing what we can to take care of our families.
Even those moms that come across as having it all together, are struggling but because there is so much pressure, we hide it and instead of supporting one another, we’re criticise and judge.
What I love about the movie is that it illustrates truth and that it’s okay to not be perfect.
We are all bad moms is the overwhelming message of the movie, even when we’re trying to be good moms because we just never feel good enough. Our children always want more and more out of us and our partners always expect us to be superwoman; in the kitchen, around the house and in bed and often it feels as if gratitude just goes out the window or doesn’t exist at all.
It’s a lot and it does get frustrating and it does get tiring and I don’t know about you mommy, but sometimes I really just want some peace and quiet and that in turn makes me feel guilty because as mothers we have programmed our minds to think that we should always be on point and always be there when all we really want is to be hide under the covers and eat ice-cream
I’m still a young mother, my kids are both below the age of five and every day I learn something new about them and about myself.
Sometimes I feed them cookies for breakfast or I let them leave the house without brushing their teeth but you know what, they always come back to me at the end of the day and give me love and that makes the pain of guilt evaporate because I realise that my babies love me nonetheless.
Some days I am able to handle a bit more and go a bit further and other days I just can’t and I’ve realise that that is just fine.
My message to you is that you can’t give from an empty vessel.
Take care of yourself and you’ll be able to take care of your loved ones.