by Boitumelo Makobosheane
Waiting for marriage? Waiting for the right time? Waiting for the right person? Waiting in its self is frustrating and gets lonely. This is one of the challenges woman are faced with and often breeds misunderstandings. Society has taken self-respect out of celibacy and made it a joke. It’s okay they say, have multiple partners, try the whole buffet, do whatever makes the world happy.
Celibacy is giving up sexual relations and waiting for marriage. Celibacy is the most challenging route to take because we live in a world where finding sexual partners is as easy as ordering an uber, yet you find out that most individuals make the decision because it makes them happy not because of any religious reasons. Would hate to sound like I am preaching but boy oh boy the soul ties, spiritual dents the list is long.
Some have never had much interest in sex, while others are taking a break to address personal problems, recover from bad dating experiences or change the way they approach relationships. It is different reasons for everyone. Self-imposed celibacy seems more common among women, but men, too, can be damaged by casual encounters. Celibacy gave me a purpose after much feeling of unworthiness and a constant desire to be desired, validated and valued. Taking a step back made me discover myself and my true identity. Casual sex will dim your light and find that bits and pieces of yourself are lost at every encounter.
The best part of being celibate is there are no distractions. One can focus fully on their passion(s), purpose and work. Celibacy doesn’t have to stop you from dating! If you embrace it and own it, you may actually find that your celibacy helps you connect with others who have similar beliefs and feelings. As long as you are upfront with the person you are interested in about your path, there is no reason you can’t date in the same way people who are having sex are dating.
It is defiantly not for everyone, but there is also no shame in it. Orange is the new black and celibacy should be the new cool. It needs to be placed on the table of offerings in the sexual teachings, we teach our 12-year-olds about the bees and the birds why not rather start them off with explaining the beauty of sex in a container (marriage) and the destruction it can cause outside a container. Celibacy is fun. it is empowering, it is fulfilling. Make waiting the new normal.