#RelationshipGoals: Singleness may be the most important time of your life

by Thando Mgobhozi


Michael Todd is the lead pastor of Transformation church and he uploaded a series of videos under the topic of #RelationshipGoals. In the series, he takes people through the stages of being single all the way to marriage. All the videos have reached more than 1 million views on YouTube.

We all have our own idea of what relationship goals are and what we expect them to be. How many times do you hear or see the words relationship goals? Every time you switch your television on there’s a couple getting married and it looks like the perfect fairytale. When you switch the radio on, there’s someone calling in with a relationship problem. I’m not even going to get into social media because hashtag relationship goals are all over whether it’s a couple wearing matching outfits and yes that is actual relationship goals for some people or whether one partner is buying the other a car or a house. All these things are good and well but it’s what we see on the outside. Can we then say the outer appearance of a relationship is what truly defines it?

A lot of the time people get into relationships because they are lonely and desire to have what they see out there in the world not really knowing what they could be getting themselves into. “Most of us are so sick of singleness that we think that marriage will solve our loneliness problem but your singleness may be an issue in your relationship,” says Pastor Mike. Women are taught to aspire to be married one day because it is seen as the norm and if you don’t get married or have kids at a certain age then there is something wrong with you. Everything in life has its own time just as there is a season to be single. These are the reasons Pastor Mike gives to explain why the season of singleness that you’re in your life right now is important not just for you but for your future husband or wife.

Single but not alone

  1. It is more important to be single than it is to be married

Pastor Mike explains that before a building is built, a foundation is laid out and without that foundation, the building is going to collapse and that is the prerequisite for divorce.

“I want you to know that your singleness is so important that you want to avoid getting into relationships that will not succeed because divorce is the worst thing that can happen to anybody relationally.”

Relationships fail when you get into one because you are trying to fill a void in your heart or when you think somebody can love you more than you love yourself. We get into relationships without thinking about what we are really doing and when things do not go the way we expected them to go we are quick to blame the other person.

  1. Marriage is only as good as your singleness

“If your singleness is not a good foundation, then your marriage is not going to be the thing that builds the house. You by yourself, how you feel by yourself, how you look at the world by yourself, what you do by yourself is the foundation and whoever you are is what you bring into the marriage.”

You need to be intentional about everything you do while you are still single so that you are fully aware of what you’re bringing into the marriage. Take care of yourself, nurture and be self-aware of all that you are.

  1. It’s okay to be single but not good to be alone

People often assume that just because you’re alone, you’re automatically lonely. Pastor Mike explains that the Hebrew word alone means all-in-one. When God created Adam he was all in one but when Eve was made from Adam she became his helper and more.

“The more single you become, the better your marriage will be. The more unique, the more whole, the more different, separate. That’s what God wants for you.”

  1. Maximize your singleness

“When you don’t have anybody that you are responsible for this is the time you can do stuff that will set you up for your future.”

It is important to maximize your singleness because this is the time that you will never get back when you are married and are one with someone. You cannot be single in marriage because your dreams and goals for your life have to align with those of your partner in one way or the other. You are united and become one. Who could have thought that your singleness could be so essential but so many people take it for granted and are not content in their singleness?

The videos can be found on YouTube and the channel name is transformation church.

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