by Leina Ussin
I can recall some months ago seeing a post on social media where a woman stated she was more comfortable being friends with men than women. It was no surprise that her post had received some backlash since the belief is men and women can’t just be friends, and that men always have an ulterior motive. The funny thing to me was that it was men saying this, while many of the women who commented agreed with her.
Women agreed with her because they believed, or had experienced, another woman “hating” on them. There were comments about how women that are supposed to be friends are messy and spread your business around, or secretly want to take your man. There was so much women bashing within this conversation, it was almost shocking to see it was only women doing it!
And it wasn’t the first time I had come across a conversation like this. Though it should be, it’s no surprise that women are finding it harder and harder to establish genuine friendships with other women.
Women have developed this distrust for one another, which has created an uncomfortable and noticeable divide.
Ever walked into a room full of other women and immediately felt judged? Began questioning your appearance? Caught a few of them whispering to each other and wondered if you were the topic of their conversations?
Let’s switch the role.
Have you ever been in a room and an overly confident woman walks in? You pull out your phone and started texting your sister or best friend and started breaking this woman down to make yourself feel better?
Ever received a compliment from another woman and immediately felt like she was making fun of you?
You may have not been in any of these scenarios, but there’s been at least one altercation in your life where you felt judged, or you were judging another woman. And it’s sad to say it’s become more and more common for women to tear each other down, than praise each other up. And in today’s day and age, it’s becoming quite baffling.
I can’t recall a moment in history where women actually had it “made.” There has always been something we’ve been fighting for; the right to vote, to get paid equally, and even now, we’re fighting for the rights over our own bodies! And with the world so much against us right now, I can’t help but wonder how in the heck can we be against each other?
It’s no secret that there are bad people in this world. And I use the term people instead of women, because bad traits can be found in anyone, male or female.
But we as women have got to start looking out for our own! We hold and create more power than we give ourselves credit for, and we are more powerful when we stand together than against one another. We have to stop wondering what someone is trying to take from us, and focus on what we can be gaining if we were to unite.
Two powerful, strong minded women, establishing a friendship, is more commanding than one woman working alone. And it’s not just for business reasons.
Healthy relationships with other woman can create a support group you’ll never experience anywhere else. Women are the only ones who can genuinely understand one another, no matter how great we think our male-female friendship really is.
There are some women out there who truly want to see you win and succeed in life, because they want what’s best for you. I know for some of us, this may seem impossible, and truth be told, if I didn’t have such strong female relationships, I wouldn’t believe it myself.
But believe me, it’s out there, but we have to start with ourselves. Surround yourself around women who are driven, inspiring, and motivational. Don’t be friend someone who is going to be a Yes-man, and agree with everything you say. You want someone to challenge you and give you a different perspective on things. And remember, only a real friend will tell you, you’re wrong!
Stay away from the gossipers, and the women who party all the time. If they’re ok with spreading other people’s business, who’s to say they won’t spread yours.
Most importantly, let go of this illusion that the amount of time you’ve known someone determines how loyal they should be to you. Loyalty doesn’t understand time, nor does it care about it. Someone who genuinely cares about you will be loyal to you despite how long they’ve known.
To summarise it all, ladies, we are stronger together, than we are divided. If we have each other’s backs, there’s nothing we can’t accomplish! Now, I’m not saying go out here and befriend every Nicole, Brittany, and Sara.
I am saying, if you see another woman stumbling, there’s no harm in stepping in and helping her get herself together, without being judgemental. There’s nothing you’ll gain from turning your nose up at her, without knowing her story. There will come a moment where we will, or have, found ourselves at a low point. And we will want someone to be there to help us out as well.
Ladies, your crown will never fall off, while helping another woman fix hers!
