Dear Self

by Pogiso P Mokwena

Often times they say “to love someone requires you to know how to love yourself first” when truly that’s one of the most difficult things to do and that is simply because you know all your flaws, imperfections and faults. It is twice as hard to get over some of those insecurities you have about yourself. It is said that enemies cannot attack what they don’t know right?

You are your own enemy in most cases, you know what baggage you carry, triggers and what you normally come short over as such it is difficult to love yourself but even more that comes from a point of knowing what other internal harms have you have caused yourself due to lack of self-love and what other bruises you’ve caused yourself that external people cannot see hence the assumption is that you are ok.

However, we are the first people we harm when everything external goes wrong then later on our actions then cause a ripple effect to affecting even those close to us, I mean think about it in this way, any sort of self –harm is like a suicide vest when it explodes it is not just you who gets injured but even those around you. Scientists would say there is a direct proportionality to your self-love and the protection of people around you – the more you love yourself, the more people around you are protected from your outbursts or emotional lockdown and vice versa.

As such we need to first be at peace with ourselves and our shortcomings if there is only one human being we can never escape is ourselves, so we have to face ourselves head-on in order to swiftly transfer love from ourselves to the next person, forgive ourselves for all the mistakes we’ve done that has overshadowed self-love, write a letter to self.

Dear self

I am sorry, I am sorry for all the internal bruises that you have endured that people cannot see hence the assumption that you are ok

I am sorry for failing to protect you when that was my one and only duty

I am sorry for not taking care of you from inside-out

I am sorry for the allowing anyone to walk in and out of you as they please

I am sorry for the countless penetrations that you took even when I was doing it for my selfish reasons

I thought I was numbing the pain little did I know that I was killing you from the inside

I am sorry for all the nights you were tossed and turned into people’s desired positions you took a lot of pain while I was trying to convince myself that I am worthy, enough and I am loved by giving you away all in the name of love

I promise to be better, to prioritize you more, give you time to go through whatever you need to go through just for you to heal.

I will be intentional in understanding you a little bit better than before, to love you and love you wholeheartedly and to never judge you for the choices that you have made in the past that seemed right at that moment.

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