By Chenai Mugunyani
So this may come in very late in the month, but I think the timing is perfect, I want to set a reminder that love should be celebrated any other day of the year, now, I am not against Valentines day, I have celebrated a few in my past, but the older I grew I realised that if I am going to show someone that I love them, why should I show or rather go all out on that particular day, can it not be any other random day, on top of that, also celebrate the 14th of February (story for another day).
What I want to talk about is SELFISHNESS, yep you read that right, you need to be selfish with yourself, let’s call it SELF LOVE.
There is nothing wrong with putting other people first, but how much of yourself can you dish out till you realize if anything, you are short-changing yourself? Charity begins at home (look I know this is not ideally the correct time to use this proverb, but oh well, if the shoe fits 😉).
A lot of us are always at the beck and call of other people, because we are nice people or sometimes we do not know how to say no, or we just can’t help but impress and please other people, we are always at the mercy of people with ‘larger-than-life’ personalities that we don’t even notice we are constantly running to and for them.
A typical example, a colleague of mine has a tendency that I detest, she can come to my door and tell me to come to her to show me something. In my mind, she clearly has a large commanding personality where she is used to having people running to her, my personality, meh, not so big. I had to put my foot down, it is hard, but every time she calls me, I ask her to come to me, or I don’t move, I act busy (I honestly haven’t mastered the guts to say no, baby steps here) but I won’t just jump, I am used to always running and giving a bigger chunk of myself away that at the end of the day I am depleted (I am not babbling, I am talking from YEARS of experience).
A few months ago, late 2019, I had an emotional breakdown. I was constantly on the phone, with one friend then the next, all pouring out their hearts to me, I would take call, after call, after call, I didn’t realise how much was chipping off from my own block…So when I needed it the most, I wasn’t there for myself. I had checked out, you know sometimes before you call some or after, you give yourself a young pep talk, I couldn’t even do that, I couldn’t comfort my own self!
Being emotionally deficient and depleted is the worst state-amongst others- you an find yourself in. be SELFISH, reserve bit, no, the bigger piece (and peace) for you, you need it more.
Did you know? That it is totally ok for you, to say NO when a friend comes to you with a lorry full of her problems, you are absolutely permitted to call her off, schedule a time to talk and tell her you to need to deal with your own stuff first.
Yes, you need everyone around you to be ok, it is ok, but, don’t go cutting the cake and forget to keep a slice for yourself.
Save some, and more…