Are his friends your friends too?

by Thando Mgobhozi

Meeting friends and family of your significant other is a natural progression of your relationship. Some never get to meet the friends while some are lucky enough to have been brought around the friends and introduced as a girlfriend which is often considered a positive sign and shows a deep interest in you as the girlfriend.

But… does this automatically mean that his friends become your friends?

You may feel as though getting along with your partner’s friends is a good thing considering that they’ll always be a part of his life and it would be extremely awkward not to mention uncomfortable for you to be around his friends knowing that you don’t necessarily vibe with them. Chances are, there will be occasions where you’ll have to be around his friends whether it’s at a get together and you’re having a braai or wherever, your boyfriend will probably ask you to tag along. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you getting along with his friends just to keep the peace and respect between each other but that doesn’t make them your friends or mean you have to build a friendship of some sort.

Being friends with someone is something that’s completely different. A friend is someone you can confide in, trust and talk to about anything. Someone who’s there to lend a helping hand and a shoulder to cry on. I’m not particularly too sure if that’s what friends still do for each other these days but you get the whole point. Now I don’t think your partner will be too thrilled with you forming such a close bond with either of his friends and honestly you don’t need to complicate your life like that.

Just because they are your partner’s friends doesn’t mean you know them or that they’re genuine. You’d actually be surprised to find out that they don’t like you as a person and as a girlfriend for their friend, they could be bad mouthing you for all you know. Some may have ulterior motives and you want to stay as far away as possible from all that drama. Ask yourself this question, if there are friends in your life that you can’t trust, why would you want to trust your man’s friends? Are they even loyal to him and can he trust them?

It may be a hard pill to swallow, but a lot of your man’s friends don’t care about your well-being and some won’t stop him from pursuing other girls or getting up to no good when you’re not around but then it also depends on the kind of friends your man has and if his intentions for you are pure. The other truth is that his friends know him better than you do and have spent more time with him before you got to know him. Of course this is not true for all men and some will put in a good word for you if they truly care about their friend and you being his girlfriend.

One thing that his friends need to understand is that he won’t be spending as much time with them with you being in the picture especially if your man has plans for you guys to build a future together. It is an obvious red flag if he spends more time with his friends than he does with you, the ratio should balance and his friends should not encourage that he neglect you. You know that Bros before whatever code? A very toxic guy code that you should be aware of. If him and his friends adhere to that code, you should really be worried. This is not to take away from the fact that your man is an individual and has his own life but you should also be confident of your place in his life. The only time you should be close to his friends is if you’re planning a surprise party for him and you need the help of his friends to pull it off.

The people we choose to associate ourselves with says a lot about our characters and who we are, you should be able to pick up the characteristics of your man’s friends just by the lifestyle choices they make. You don’t need to worry if they don’t influence your man but also know that they had that influence on him once upon a time. So there’s absolutely no need for you to become besties with your man’s friends and it is just better like that for everyone. Just greet them with a smile if you bump into them on these streets and keep it moving.

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